It is Saturday morning and I’m getting ready to make the almost 2-hour commute to flamenco class. The week has been rough. I sit on the train listening to music that I’m not really listening to. While I make the transfer from Caltrain to Bart I run into Yu-Ka, one of the dancers I see regularly. We sit together. I have not been in the studio for a while since I started taking more flamenco classes, so she gives me an update: The studio’s rent has gone up, as a result dance classes are more expensive.
Yu-Ka does this very commute every Saturday and twice a week to make it to the studio for class. A commute that was impossible to make a couple of weeks ago when Bart was on strike. Going to dance classes requires time and money, more money now.
She takes a minute to ask me about the campaign for Stolen. The weight of the entire week falls on me. We are close to the 15th of the month when the payment for my student loans is due. The numbers on my bank account keep going down and the numbers on the campaign are not going up. The thought of having to use the money I have saved up for the first country of the project to pay my bills makes my heart sink. Do I go to Spain, or do I stay? Is this the right time for me to try to get this project done? Do I try to keep saving until I have money for the entire project? Do I keep trying to do the project at all?
When the rent of a room in a safe neighborhood can go up to $2,000, deciding to do what you love takes a lot of strength and a lot of courage. We live in this city; a city that was described by an Argentinian band as Buenos Aires transitioned into the 90s. A city where a winged man flies free at night but his wings melt with sunlight. Mexico City, Istanbul, Mumbai, Rio, Madrid, Lisbon, Buenos Aires, Bogotá, San Francisco: “The City of Fury.” Sometimes I wonder how much of what we do is survival and how much of it is life.
I make my way through Eddy Street in the Tenderloin. If you close your eyes, the street sounds as lively as Hayes Valley on a Saturday morning. But if you keep them wide open, you realize how easy you really have it and you start to wonder how many of the things that are in your bag you really need. The Tenderloin offers a piece of perspective that most of us choose to avoid.
After two hours of class I rush to the train to make it back on time to meet Matin and my friend Ben to bake. I talk to my brother for a while. He asks me: “Are you happy?” I reply without hesitation.
In Krav Maga a big part of the training involves standing still with your eyes open while taking a beating. You are not allowed to fight back or to protect yourself, you just stand there and you take it. You are training your body and your mind to be present, because being present will help you be successful if there is ever a time you have to fight. It is when you start shutting down that you are defeated, your attacker has won. Life works a lot like that sometimes; except life is not your attacker, it’s just life.
Doing what you love is a privilege; having a real chance to go after your dreams, even more so. It is something you want to keep your eyes open for, because It is something worth fighting for.
I get home, Ben and I start baking for Sunday at Dolores. My feet hurt the same way they do after doing flamenco for a while, so I can barely stand to have my shoes on. We talk about Stanley Kubrick while Matin makes dinner. I know Mia is baking too, at home. My friends will come to the bake sale, they will talk to strangers about the project. Angie will dance.
It’s Sunday morning, I wake up to sleeping Matin. I get my face very close to his until I have a full zoom-in into his eyelashes. Zende (our dog) realizes I’m awake. He comes to my side of the bed and starts licking my toes. Matin opens his eyes. I’m as happy as anyone can be.
Bake Sale Love
Thanks to Mia for this wonderful idea, for helping me to plan and promote it… and for the beautiful empanadas and cupcakes. Thanks to my mom for baking even though her hand only works at a 60%. Thanks to Ben for making brownies and cookies with me. Thanks to Steph for showing up and for her generosity. Thanks to Alex and Joy for promoting the baked goods all over Dolores Park. Thanks to Matin for playing the drum and using his charm to attract people to the sale. Thanks to Angie for dancing and looking beautiful. Thanks to Nick, Damon, Michael and Frances for coming out and injecting life to the entire thing. I love you all very much.
